Frustrated with your child’s behaviors? Not sure if you are responding the right way? Running out of ideas and need some help?
Whether it's tantrums, meltdowns, hitting, biting, running away from you, just shutting down, or one of the thousands ways a child may react that we don’t feel is the appropriate action... there are some key steps to figuring out how to work on it.
In order to understand why your child behaves certain ways there is a huge – vital first step. So many parents turn to all the different approaches they’ve learned, from ignoring it, to time out, to punishment to starting a reward chart, often getting more and more frustrated as the behaviors continue.
There are lots of different ways to address a child’s behavior. But first there are 2 very important things you must know and figure out before moving forward!
Step One
Most people automatically think of examples of negative behaviors when they hear the word behavior. And while there definitely can be negative behaviors we want to decrease in a child… there may also be positive behaviors we want to see increase in a child! And sometimes those are even more effective to focus on. (More on that to come).
Think about the behavior you are seeing with your child – is it a negative behavior that you want to see decrease or a positive behavior that you want to see increase. Or can there be both?
Maybe you’re focusing on the negative behavior – for example, let’s take a simple one – your child throws themselves on the floor and cries as soon as they don’t get their way. Which is important for the whole family to decrease 😊.
But is there also a positive behavior you want to see increase in it’s place – depending on the age maybe you want to see the child calmly tell you what they want or why they are upset. So don’t forget to think about not only the negative behavior – but also is there a positive behavior you want to see increase.
Step Two
Function Behavior
- Sensory stimulation
- Escape
- Access to attention
- Access to tangibles
- Sensory stimulation
The child’s behavior feels good to them or fills a sensory need that they are seeking.
We explore the sensory system and behaviors that may arise from a child who is over or under sensitive in many resources including:
- Blog post –“Sensory Challenges? Understanding the sensory system and how dysregulation may affect your child”
- Provider interviews, including “Sensory Issues & Occupational Therapy”
- Stay tuned for our upcoming parent training Sensory & Behavior: A Parent’s Understanding”
- Escape
Remember there could be a lot of reasons a child would try to escape and environment or task. There could be a sensory sensitivity in the environment that makes them uncomfortable, the task could be undesirable or the task could be difficult for frustrating for them, just to name a few. However, regardless of the reason behind trying to “escape,” the function is still to escape the environment or task.
- Access to attention
Remember even negative attention is still attention.
- Access to a tangible
Remember the function can also be different in different situations and environments as well. A child’s common behavior may be a tantrum – but depending on the situation or the environment, it could be playing different functions.
The first step is to track your child’s behavior and determine the function.
Tracking!
When you are tracking your child’s behavior it is important to include detailed information on the behavior itself:
- what it looked like, how long it lasted, how intense was it
- what happened immediately before the behavior (the antecedent)
- what happened immediately after the behavior (the consequence).
Remember if a child is continuing a behavior – there is SOMETHING about the behavior or the consequence of the behavior that is rewarding to them. We need to figure out what that is!
Once you have done your tracking and figured out those important pieces, then you’re ready to move onto the next step – figuring out what to do about it!!
Don’t forget your important team members and community resources!
If you are having challenging behaviors with your child, there are a range of providers that can be a great resource to you.
- Occupational therapists can help you determine if the behavior is sensory related and/or if it involves emotional regulation and they can provide great strategies to help in those areas.
- Applied Behavior Analysis focuses specifically on behavior! They will do full assessments of all of the behaviors you are seeing, help you to figure out the antecedents and consequences and then come up with a plan to decrease those negative behaviors and increase the positive behaviors that you want to see.
- Pediatric psychologists can be of immeasurable value when it comes to working through behaviors and challenges!
- Sometimes behaviors escalate due to the child’s inability to communicate their wants and needs, and in those cases a speech therapist can be invaluable to you!
There are many providers around you that can give your family support, so consider which one might be best for you and your child and reach out! You don’t have to work through this on your own. These providers are trained to be there for you and your child, let them help.
If you are struggling with knowing which path is best for you and your child, we are always here to help if you want to reach out to learn more about the different types of behaviors!
- Quick Links
Free sensory system cheat sheet - breaking down the 7 sensory systems and activities or strategies for each
Parent trainings: Get alerted when our upcoming parent training on understanding the sensory system & creating sensory activities that work for your child & our upcoming parent training on understanding behavior!
Sensory Diet Cards: Once you’ve figured out the activities that help your child, check out the printable sensory diet cards from Your Kids Table and involve your child in choosing their sensory strategies!
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