How do we know if its sensory or behavior?
Parents wonder, is my child having a sensory response or a sensory challenge... or is my child just having a behavior for behaviors sake? With this also comes discussion of the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.
We get a lot of questions about the difference between sensory and behavior. It’s a little bit of a trick question, because of course every action and response (positive or negative) is a behavior. Everything we do is a behavior.
But we know usually when a parent is talking about behavior, they’re typically talking about unwanted behaviors. So when we refer to behavior here for simplicity’s sake, we’re referring to those behaviors that a parent typically wants to decrease. It could be crying, it could be something aggressive, or it could be running crazy and not being able to sit still.
Remember - Behavior is communication.
It’s important to understand the root of the behavior. And it’s important to understand that all behavior is communication. The child is telling you something. It may be that they want something, or that they don’t want something. That they don’t like something or that they really do like something.
Remember – they’re feeling something. They could be telling you a million different things. But it’s important to step back and remember that they are communicating something to you in that moment.
Whether you have a child with special needs or not, it’s really important to remember that. And especially important if you have a child who has delayed speech. So often the behavior is because they don’t have another way to communicate to you what they’re feeling, what they want or what they don’t want. They may just not understand a better way to communicate that to you.
Understand the "function" of the behavior
There are four different root causes or “functions” of behavior. Specialists will say, no matter what the behavior, it is coming from one of these reasons. The first 3 are:
- Attention: They’re trying to get your attention, and remember, that could be positive or negative attention.
- Escape: They’re trying to escape something. It could be something or somewhere they don’t want to go, something they don’t want to do, something they don’t like… but they want to avoid either the environment, the activity or the demand that’s being placed on them.
- Access: They want something. It could be a tangible, meaning an actual item (a toy, a food), an activity or to go somewhere. But they want access to something.
If the behavior is due to one of those three things, the way you’re going to respond to each of them is very different. So it’s important that you figure out what the foundational reason is for their behavior. From there you can decide how to best respond and help them shift that behavior into a more appropriate form of communication.
If you don’t respond appropriately as the parent, you really can be reinforcing the behavior, or making it more likely to occur. You probably feel like you are in this vicious circle because… you are. If you are reinforcing the behavior to continue, you’re getting more and more frustrated with the child, they’re getting more and more frustrated, and it’s partly our own fault because we are reinforcing it by the way we are responding.
But if you figure out the function, it will be so much easier to know how to respond, and how to shift that behavior into language or another more appropriate form of communication.
By remembering that they’re always trying to communicate something to us, we can help them learn that using “language” is more effective than using that behavior. If your child is young or has a language delay, it may be words, but it also may be some other form of communication. It could be using a tablet, sign language, a pec system or even just gestures… the goal is that they are learning to communicate in a way that is appropriate based on their level. We have to meet them where they are if we want them to be successful.
Shifting the behavior into language or more appropriate communication...
We are the ones that need to help them learn. They need to learn that using “language” is easier and more effective than the behavior. Regardless of the reason or the behavior, they need to learn that using the communication you want them to use is going to be easier, faster and more effective at getting them what they want. Or at the very least faster and more effective at getting you to understand what they’re trying to tell you or what they are feeling. So if using the behavior is working for them – they have no reason to shift that behavior into language.
If you want to dive deeper into this, we have 2 options for you to check out:
- Our Free online Behaviors and Language Parent Mini-Training.
- Our full parent training: “Do it Yourself Language Development: Decrease behaviors and promote language at home”. Dana Buckles, SLP. goes through real life examples of each of these things functions, common ways we reinforce the behavior for each, and specific examples of how you should respond that will truly promoting language instead of the behavior.
Sensory!
The fourth reason for behavior is sensory!
A child could be demonstrating a behavior because either they’re seeking sensory input or they’re averse to a sensory input. It is so important to understand the difference. The way that we respond to a behavior that is seeking or avoiding sensory input is very different than the way we’re going to respond to a behavior that is related to one of those first 3 functions we reviewed.
If a child is seeking sensory input, they could get joy from that input and/or they could really need that input to regulate themselves. Whether it’s tactile, proprioceptive or any other type of input – if we don’t help them find an alternate way to get that input then we’re not helping them regulate themselves. And things are only going to continue to spiral.
Vice versa, consider a situation where the child is aversive to a sensory input. They may be getting overwhelmed by certain sensory input that’s coming in. To them, this input could actually be painful. If we treat it like they’re just acting out and try to ignore it or try any of the strategies that we would use for those first 3 functions – then we are again, not helping them regulate themselves. We are going to push them further into overwhelm and could continue to spiral into a full meltdown.
This is why it is so important to understand with sensory – are they seeking sensory input or are they trying to avoid sensory input? Once you know that, you need to be clear on which sensory system it is that they are seeking or avoiding input to.
If you determine they are demonstrating a behavior because they are seeking input into a certain system, you can help them find another, more appropriate and easier way to get that sensory input.
If they are aversive to a certain sensation, then you can help them come up with strategies to to regulate themselves so that they’re able to better tolerate whatever that input is, if it is something that they are unable to avoid. And better prepare for those situations where they are going to have to face that sensation.
- If you haven’t already, check out our blog post “Understanding Sensory Challenges.” That’s a good place to start. And be sure to download our free sensory cheat sheet, where we give examples of behaviors you may see for each, and ideas for strategies to try with your child based on each system.
- Stay Tuned!! In a couple weeks we will be releasing our full “Parent’s Roadmap to the Sensory System” where we really dive into what you need to know as a parent about the sensory system. We guide you on a clear path to understanding each system, what challenges look like for each, strategies for each and how to create a plan to really help your specific child! So, make sure you’re on our email list.
Meltdowns Vs. Tantrums
The last thing I want to go into is a meltdowns.
It is important to understand the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, because again, the way that we respond to each is very different. And if you treat a meltdown like a tantrum or a tantrum like a meltdown, then you are not going to be helping your child.
In the very basic sense, if a child is having a tantrum, they’re communicating something to you and they are typically in control of themselves. Going along with the first 3 functions, they’re acting out because they want your attention, or they are trying to tell you they are mad, they want something or they don’t want something. But it is purposeful and a form of communication following those first 3 functions we reviewed.
When we are talking about a true meltdown, typically a child is unable to regulate themselves. It could sometimes even start as a tantrum and shift into a meltdown. A lot of times it comes from either difficulty with emotional regulation or from sensory overwhelm.
When they are in this state, it is important to remember, they cannot process the information coming in. So if you are trying to talk them through it and you are trying to tell them what to do or not to do and trying to have a rational conversation with them, that’s typically not going to work. They’re not processing that information. They are not able to regulate their mind and regulate their body in order to focus and truly understand what you are saying.
The focus needs to be on helping them to calm and regulate themselves. Helping them to regulate their body, to regulate their sensory system, and to regulate their emotions.
We can look at the triggers, which is why understanding their sensory needs is so important. Because then we can look at ways to try to help avoid the next meltdown. But once they’re actually in that state, you need to help them become calm and regulated.
There’s a lot of sensory techniques that can help depending on the child’s sensory system. Some children do well with pressure, with squeezes or with weighted blankets. Others do well with music or certain noises. There are a lot of different sensory techniques that can be calming for a child.
Once you get them into a regulated place, then you can go back to talking about what happened. When they are in a regulated state we can help teach them strategies to regulate their sensory system and their emotions. But not in the middle of the meltdown.
At the same time, if a child is having a tantrum and they’re acting out because let’s say they’re trying to get your attention and instead of treating it like a tantrum and ignoring it, you try help them calm, giving them a weighted blanket, or trying to help soothe them – then you’re definitely reinforcing that behavior. You’re giving them the attention that they want, so the behavior will continue…